How I felt about being pregnant at 40!

     

Hello dynamic folks! Happy new year to you all! I hope you are all doing well and keeping safe too? How did you celebrate your Christmas? Where you in lockdown or where you lucky to have had your family come around? I know it is all lockdown for us which honestly is not fun, but we will all pull through. Today it’s all about how i felt about this pregnancy.

If you read my last post, you will have learnt about my big surprise. Strangely I still had comments asking if it was planned, I thought that would have been clear from the caption. That said, today I will be talking about how I really felt about this pregnancy “initially “note I said initially!

OK! Some of you will judge me, its ok. Remember, i am human, i have feelings, emotions and can also be or feel vulnerable most times.

My thoughts, i share because i want to, moreover a few people might share in my experience, or know someone who will. some might learn from this to encourage other women as we all never have it all planned.

I was not ready!

I was not thinking of ever getting pregnant again, and if i was, not now! Do i sounds like there would been a better time? No! I just was not ready to ever be ready! Omg! I am totally laughing at myself as I write this.  Well! I had always thought that maybe after my course, maybe work a while and then maybe try for a baby. Honestly, that thought in itself scared me, left to me? might never would’ve happened, procrastinate! lol!

That is where I stood. But come to think of it, the only way I would’ve had this baby is as a surprise. I might never have had the guts to try again, so in many ways, this is my beautiful blessing and I have accepted that fact.

I felt too old!

Now! Don’t get me wrong, I am being honest here. If you live in this part of the world, you will know that some women my age have grand children and maybe great-grandchildren, have their lives all sorted. Possibly living the dream. But life isn’t about comparison, or is it ?

Life is about being you, recognising that your timing isn’t someone else’s and also enjoying your timing and process .

Now however old you are and pregnant, be proud, of your age, your body, the crazy changes that come with it, your bundle of joy! Rock that bump like you own it!

I freaked out

No kidding but I absolutely freaked out. I had all sorts of thoughts going through my mind, some I mentioned here previously. I had a few months to finish off my course, how was I going to deal with morning sickness? It was not always easy for me with that, I still remembered how I would stay sick in bed for months. (Believe me, morning sickness should be called all day sickness) I sometimes wondered how something so beautiful, blessed, and joyful (Baby) could come from the horrible feeling of being sick for months and months.

God is indeed wonderful. if you’ve never been pregnant, do not be alarmed, different women feel differently in early pregnancy.

Wrong timing

I felt the timing was completely wrong. Not now I thought, I had my whole life ahead of me now, not ready to go back to buggy’s, pushchairs, and strapping car seats.

I was not ready to ditch my little fancy leather crossbody bag for a big fabric, non-fashionable baby bag full of diapers, wipes, change of clothes and sometimes soiled clothes. The worst part, was not ready for baby poop, soiled nappies and the sleepless nights.

My last daughter is going to be 6 years older than baby; my eldest will be 10 years older than baby when baby comes. Oh no! I need a new car which will fit the whole family, maybe a 7-seater this time and that is going to cost me! But the beauty of a blessing is that it does not give you any warnings, the receiver might not even feel or know it’s a blessing until years later. Also, with God, his own timing is just the best! I have held on to this once I accepted this pregnancy as my beautiful blessing and there honestly no going back on that!

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How I feel now!

When found out I was pregnant, I had some events that unravelled, that completely shook me, affected my confidence, made me feel guilty, stressed me out and nearly made me take some very harsh and deadly decisions which I am so grateful to God and to a few of my friends who stood by me, talked with me, that i didn’t take.

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Now do not think that I did not know or believe that baby is a blessing but sometimes you go through things and think irrationally.

Now, I am full of love and expectation for my bundle of joy, beauty and blessing growing inside of me, It was a surprise but now I am Expecting it. I do not really care if that makes any sense or not.

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Keep your eyes open for some fun fashion tips and guides!

I am wearing pr products from next official

Maternity skinny jeans here, here, here

Knitted jumper here and here

Boots Amazon uk

My daughters outfit paid partnership with frugi